Conflict Resolution Styles: The 5 Approaches and When to Use Each

Conflict resolution styles are the five main ways people handle disagreement, defined by the well-known Thomas-Kilmann model: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating.

Each one balances how much you stand up for your own needs against how much you consider the other person's. No single style is "best." The right one depends on the situation, the stakes, and the relationship.

Below, we explain all five styles, when to use each, how to spot your own default, and how leaders can help a team choose the right approach.

What Are Conflict Resolution Styles?

A conflict resolution style is your usual way of responding when you disagree with someone. Some people push hard to win. Others give in to keep the peace. Most of us fall into a pattern without thinking about it.

In 1974, researchers Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann studied how people handle workplace conflict and found that most responses fit into five styles.

Their model is still one of the most widely used tools in HR, mediation, and leadership today.

Knowing the five styles gives your team a shared, blame-free way to talk about conflict and respond to it on purpose.

The Two Forces Behind Every Style

Every style is a mix of two things: assertiveness and cooperativeness.

Assertiveness is how much you try to meet your own needs. Cooperativeness is how much you try to meet the other person's needs.

Picture a simple grid with assertiveness going up and cooperativeness going across. Each corner, plus the middle, gives you one of the five styles.

For example, high assertiveness with low cooperativeness means you focus on your own goals over the other person's. Low assertiveness with high cooperativeness means the opposite.

Once you see conflict this way, the five styles are easy to tell apart, and easier to choose between.

The 5 Conflict Resolution Styles

Each style fits a different spot on the grid. Here is what each one looks like, when it works best, the risk to watch for, and a quick workplace example.

Competing (High Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)

With a competing style, you push for your own outcome, even at the other person's expense. It is direct and fast.

This works best when a quick, firm decision is needed, such as during an emergency or when you must make an unpopular but necessary call.

The risk is that it can strain relationships and leave the other side feeling steamrolled. Used too often, it teaches people to stop speaking up.

Example: a manager immediately stops an unsafe work practice, with no debate, to protect the team.

Collaborating (High Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)

With a collaborating style, both sides work together to find a solution that fully satisfies everyone. You stand up for your needs while taking the other person's seriously.

This works best for important issues where you need buy-in and the relationship matters as much as the result.

The risk is that it takes real time, trust, and energy, so it is overkill for small problems.

Example: two department heads redesign a shared workflow together so both teams get what they need.

Compromising (Moderate Assertiveness, Moderate Cooperativeness)

With a compromising style, each side gives up something to reach a fair middle ground. No one wins completely, but no one walks away empty-handed.

This works best when time is short, both sides have equal power, or you need a workable fix fast.

The risk is that the solution only partly satisfies everyone, and leaning on it too quickly can skip a better answer.

Example: two teammates split a limited budget down the middle so both projects can move ahead.

Avoiding (Low Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)

With an avoiding style, you sidestep the conflict or put it off. You do not push your own needs or address the other person's.

This works best when an issue is minor, emotions are running too high, or you need more time and information before you act.

The risk is that ignored problems often grow worse, so avoiding should be a pause, not a habit.

Example: stepping away from a heated argument and agreeing to revisit it the next day, once everyone has cooled off.

Accommodating (Low Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)

With an accommodating style, you set aside your own needs to satisfy the other person. You give in to keep the relationship strong.

This works best when you realize you are wrong, when the issue matters far more to them than to you, or when you want to build goodwill.

The risk is that your own needs go unmet, and giving in all the time can breed quiet resentment.

Example: letting a colleague lead a project their way when they care deeply about it and you do not.

How to Find Your Conflict Resolution Style

Most people rely on one or two styles out of habit, not by choice. Spotting your default is the first step to using the others on purpose.

Start by noticing your gut reaction the next time tension rises. Do you push, give in, go quiet, or look for a deal?

Think back on past conflicts and ask which response shows up most. It also helps to ask a few trusted coworkers how they see you handle disagreement, since others often notice patterns we miss.

For a formal read, the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI) is a short assessment that scores how often you use each of the five styles.

Many teams take it together to open an honest conversation about how they work through conflict.

Which Style Is Best? How to Choose for the Situation

There is no single best style. The right choice depends on the situation, and skilled people switch between styles as needed.

A few simple questions help you choose. How much does the outcome matter to you, and how much does the relationship matter? How much time do you have? Who holds more power? Do you need the other person's buy-in to make the solution stick?

As a quick guide: use competing when you need fast, firm action; collaborating for high-stakes problems where you need everyone on board; compromising when time is short and the sides are evenly matched; avoiding when the issue is small or emotions are too hot; and accommodating when the matter means more to the other person.

The real skill is flexibility, reading each situation and matching your response to it rather than defaulting to the same move every time.

Helping Your Team Use Every Style Well

A team works best when its members can use all five styles, not just their favorite. Leaders set the tone here. When you model flexibility, address issues calmly, and explain why you chose a certain approach, your team learns to do the same.

Give your team a shared language by introducing the five styles in a meeting or training session. Low-stakes practice helps too; our guide to conflict resolution activities offers simple exercises that let people try out different approaches before a real dispute hits.

When tension runs deep or a conflict keeps coming back, a neutral outside expert can help. At JAMS Pathways, we help teams understand their styles and work through tough disagreements.

Our workplace conflict resolution services bring a trusted facilitator into the room to guide your team toward a lasting solution.